30 Day Writing Challenge-Day 8

“Share something you struggle with.”

Oh, well that’s oddly real, isn’t it? We went from talking about songs I can sing all day to struggles. Yikes. Okay, well, here goes.

First, a disclaimer. I’m a perfectionist. If you’ve read the “About” page you already know that. Actually, I’m a totally irrational, smart enough to know perfection is not attainable, perfectionist. It’s terrible. Basically I spend my life telling others how close to perfect they are and reminding them that no one is perfect while simultaneously berating myself for how far I am from perfect.

So, something I struggle with? Self esteem. How’s that for real?

Sometimes it comes out in my writing. By that I mean I write characters who struggle to see how awesome they are (Elise from 30 Days Without Wings, Sawchett from Breaking Eselda, and Tutor from Breaking Eselda are good examples). I also tend to struggle with this when I reread my writing. I’m sure most authors do this, but sometimes when I read my own stuff I want to throw it across the room because I’m sure I’ll never get it right.

It’s better, I think, than it was in high school. I think high school is the hardest because other people are so hell bent on pointing out your flaws, which is not exactly conducive to finding your own strengths. But (and this is an important sentence for anyone reading this now who happens to be in high school) it’s not always like that. When we grow up and mature we really switch to building each other up. It’s amazing. It gets easier to shut down my inner negativity with everyone shouting positives. I see it sometimes now. I feel it.

There are bad days, for sure. Days when I’m feeling like everything is all wrong. When I see the chores I haven’t finished, not the big list of things I have. When I can’t seem to find a sentence I like among the words I’ve written. But I’ve learned to force myself to sit and make a list of the things I’ve actually done today. I don’t let myself delete words I’ve written. I’ll read them again later, when I’m in a different mindset. I take a long walk. I read someone else’s words.

Basically, I struggle with seeing myself in a good light. I’m a work in progress that way.

And that, my friends, is the real truth.

Your turn. What do you struggle with?


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